Modern Etiquette 101

It’s time for another lesson in Modern Etiquette 101. I’ll share the answers to etiquette questions from several experts interviewed by Condé Nast Publishing.

* Is it ever okay to break up with someone via email? Sure, if you’ve had only a few dates – or if they’re really creepy. That’s according to Michelle Fiordaliso, psychotherapist and coauthor of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex. If you’ve dated for more than a month, find your inner backbone and call them to say goodbye. Better yet, break up in person.

* Do you have to RVSP to an eVite? Yes! It’s common courtesy to RSVP to every invitation. That’s according to Stacey Platt, lifestyle management expert and author of What’s a Disorganized Person to Do? She says there’s nothing more depressing than having to call your guests to ask whether they’re coming to your party, especially if it’s a wedding. So, spare them the aggravation - and RSVP.

* A friend constantly overloads your email inbox with jokes and chain letters. How can you get them to stop without being rude? The most painless, tactful solution is to ignore and delete. That’s from Will Schwalbe, coauthor of Send: Why People E-mail So Badly and How to Do It Better. He says that if they ever ask whether you received their emails, blame it on your spam filter – and explain how swamped your inbox is.

* Also: Is it ever okay to write texts or emails on your phone in public? Schwalbe suggests following what he calls the “Crossword Puzzle Rule.” In other words, ask yourself, “Would I pull out a crossword puzzle right now?” If you wouldn’t work on a crossword during a work meeting, at dinner with a friend, or in the grocery store checkout line – don’t type on your phone then, either.

* Is it okay to use Blind Carbon Copy on an email? Yes – but only when you’re sending a group email, and don’t want everyone getting everyone else’s address. Otherwise, using BCC can seem sneaky. If your BCC recipient hits “Reply All,” everybody’s going to know that you used it.

Facts About The Male Brain

Ladies, know this: behind your man’s tough exterior is a sensitive, emotional guy. According to neuro-psychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, most of what we think about the way men are wired simply isn’t true. So, here are the facts about how guys really think, from her book The Male Brain:
First: Men are more vulnerable to loneliness. Being lonely is bad for everyone, but it takes a bigger toll on the social circuits in a man’s brain. Male loners perceive everything as a threat, and that means they have higher blood pressure, and an increased risk of alcoholism and depression.
The 2nd thing every woman should now about the male brain: We’re focused on solutions. Most guys know that when their wife or girlfriend is telling them about a problem, they should just listen and not offer suggestions. Brizendine says that men just can’t help it. The part of our brains responsible for feeling empathy does respond when you share a problem. Then the problem-solving region takes over, and we go into “fix-it” mode.
Man fact #3: Being a dad makes the male brain better. Fathers-to-be go through hormone changes just like expectant mothers. Their testosterone levels decrease while levels of bonding hormones like prolactin and oxytocin go up. That’s a good thing for our kids. When dads play with their children, it helps kids learn, increases their confidence, and prepares them for the real world.
Here’s one last fact about the male brain: Men are more emotional than women! As infants, the emotional centers of a boy’s brain are more active than a girl’s. MRI research shows that this remains true into adulthood. Guys just seem like they’re less emotional because they learn to hide their feelings as they grow up.
Want to learn more? Check out The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine.

3D TVs Can Cause Health Issues

If you’re planning on getting one of those new 3D TVs, make sure you read the warning label! If you’re pregnant, drunk, or tired, watching 3D TV could cause health issues. If you’re at risk for strokes or epileptic seizures, you’ll need to consult your doctor before watching a 3D TV. We read about this on CNN.com. Even if you’re not in one of those health categories, you could still be at risk. Apparently viewing 3D TV can cause motion sickness, nausea, disorientation, and eyestrain – among other things! The effects are so intense for some people that the manufacturers recommend not putting the TV next to open stairwells, cables, balconies, or other objects that can be tripped over, run into, knocked down, broken, or fallen over.
Here’s why it’s a problem for some people: a 3D image creates the illusion of depth when the brain fuses two, slightly different images projected on a screen. Experts call it ‘sensory conflict’ because it creates confusion and makes the brain think it’s been poisoned. That may sound far-fetched, but experts say that when we get poisoned, our bodies are triggered to throw up to get rid of what’s making us sick. While the 3D technology isn’t literally poisoning us, the sensory conflict can cause our brains to react by telling us to throw up.
Some people can’t do the 3D thing because they have problems related to the vestibular system. That’s the network of nerves, fluids, and ear canals that connect to the brain and help keep us balanced and oriented. Diseases like multiple sclerosis and inner ear conditions can contribute to vestibular disorders, and close to half of adults over the age of 40 suffer from them! The 3D experience isn’t just a problem for middle-aged people. Some younger folks are affected, too. They could be ‘stereoblind,’ which means that they don’t see properly out of both eyes. Or they may simply feel motion sickness from the 3D experience.
So what should you do if you’ve already bought a 3D TV or you’re planning to buy one? When watching, take frequent breaks. If you do feel sick, stop watching and don’t try to watch again until at least 30 minutes after your symptoms have subsided.

Hidden Causes of Fatigue

From Rodale Publishing:

Ever have a day when you feel exhausted for no reason? Well, there are a few hidden causes of fatigue that can sap your energy. Here are the facts:

The first hidden cause of fatigue: Fear and loathing. When you’re anxious, you tense your muscles, which tires you out just as if you were chopping wood. Psychologist Timothy Smith points out that fear also makes you hold your breath, and oxygen deprivation makes you tired, too. The fix: Try this visualization exercise from the University of Utah: Simply visualize yourself someplace restful, like on a beach, a sailboat, or a trek through the woods. Studies show that “vacation visualization” refocuses your attention, and reduces tension and fatigue.

Hidden fatigue cause #2: Noisy co-workers. Researchers studied workers in a noisy textile mill. For one week, employees wore earplugs – the next week, they went without. The result: Workers without ear protection had much higher levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. They were also more cranky and tired. The fix: Ask your co-workers to turn down their phone ringers, and take the chit-chat to the break room. Then, shut your door, if you have one. Or get yourself some earplugs.

One final hidden cause of fatigue: Depressing colors. Color affects mood, and surrounding yourself with nothing but somber colors can make you fatigued and depressed. For example, when officials repainted London’s black bridges with blue paint, bridge-related suicides dropped by half! That’s because blue triggers the production of a brain chemical that helps you relax. However, you don’t want to be too relaxed at work. So the Pantone Color Institute suggests adding warm colors to your surroundings, like yellow, orange, and red, which increase energy. Sure, it sounds like interior-decorator babble, but hard science backs it up. We’re programmed to respond to red; it automatically raises your blood pressure, and increases your pulse rate – which fights fatigue.

Four Things You Should Leave Off Your Resume

If you’re looking for a new job, let this sink in before you send out another resume: Less is more. According CareerBuilder.com’s Rachel Zupek, employers don’t have the time or the patience to sift through information on your resume that has nothing to do with the job. So, here are four things to leave off your resume, and why:
Your picture. Unless a job posting specifically asks for your picture - and very few will - don’t include it. Not only are your looks irrelevant to your potential as an employee, but you’re putting employers in a bad spot. If they have your picture and choose not to hire you, it’s possible that you could come back with a discrimination lawsuit. So in most cases, they’ll throw your resume away without looking at it, to avoid the issue altogether.
Next:Leave off your interests and hobbies.Telling employers that you love to skydive when you’re applying for a restaurant job is pointless. Unless your hobbies have something specific to do with the job you’re applying for, Zupek says wait until the interview to mention them, when you’re asked what you like to do outside of work.
Also: Ditch the “objective”: Employers are trying to determine whether you’re a good fit for their company, so everything on your resume should point to your experience - not what you “want” from them. Having an objective statement that says “My goal is to gain experience in such-and-such.” is all about you, not what you can do for them.
One last thing to leave off your resume: References! Many job seekers include references on their resume, or a line that says, “References available upon request.” However, this tactic isn’t as effective as it used to be. Jack Harsh is a professor at the University of Richmond School of Business. He says that when he receives a resume with references attached, he doesn’t give them much weight, because they’re not usually specific to the position he wants to fill. So, unless your references are impressive and accomplished people within the field you’re applying for, wait to mention them until you’re asked.

9 Surprising Symptoms of Stress

When was the last time you went through a period of stress? Can you remember the way your body reacted? Chances are you didn't feel quite like yourself. Health experts say that stress can come with some pretty surprising symptoms-from forgetfulness to nausea to skin rashes. Is your body sending you an S.O.S. that you shouldn't ignore? Read on to find out if stress is taking a toll on you-and what you can do to reverse the effects.

1. Tweaked Muscles
The pain in your neck that you attributed to long hours at the computer could actually be a symptom of stress. "Stress definitely affects our musculoskeletal system, resulting in tight, contracting muscles and/or spasms in muscles," explains Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, MS, PT, a psychologist and physical therapist in Wexford, Pennsylvania, and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. "It gets us ready for fight-or-flight, although unlike our cavewomen ancestors, we don't actually need our bodies to react like this." If you're experiencing what you believe to be stress-related muscle symptoms, try this exercise: Take 5 to 10 deep breaths and focus on relaxing the tense area of your body, says Dr. Lombardo. For the neck, try gentle neck rolls or enlist your husband to give you a quick shoulder rub.

2. Eye Twitching
Have you ever had an eye twitch? The often temporary condition can be annoying and worrisome, and for some, can be triggered by stress. "This condition is known as blepharospasm," explains Debbie Mandel, MA, a stress and wellness expert and author of Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7-Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life. "Closing your eyes and visualizing your happiest place on earth will help." Also, avoid stress-related eye issues by giving your peepers a break now and then. "If your eyes get stressed from detailed work at the computer, 'stretch' them every 20 minutes by looking out the window at a larger landscape," suggests Mandel. "If you have no view, close your eyes and imagine a panorama."

3. Ragged Cuticles
Do you have ragged, unkempt cuticles or nails? Their condition could be the result of a stress-induced nervous habit. "Nervous habits like nail-biting are how we channel our stress by distracting ourselves with what is known as oral satisfaction," says Mandel, adding that picking nails and cuticles is also a common way for women to deal with feelings of stress and anxiety. If you take stress out on your hands, consider keeping a stress ball in your desk drawer-something you can squeeze or knead when on the phone with a difficult client, for instance. This helps "squeeze the stress out of your body," says Mandel.

4. Cavities
We all know that slacking off on dental hygiene is the first way to get cavities, but stress can also be a culprit, say experts, especially when you're grinding your teeth at night or during the day. Mandel explains teeth grinding, which many women do, as "chewing over the day's stressors." The problem, however, is that this bad habit can erode dental work, damaging your teeth and making them more susceptible to cavities. Mandel suggests redirecting your anxiety to pen and paper. "Set aside time to write down your problems to see them objectively in black and white, and then jot down some solutions," she says. But, she adds, "If teeth grinding is severe, see a dentist about getting a mouth guard."

5. Rashes
It sounds strange, but your skin can be a pretty good barometer of your stress level. "Stress can cause a rash, usually raised red spots or hives on the stomach, back, arms and face," notes Dr. Lombardo. "While we don't know why it occurs, some experts believe that it has to do with the adverse effects of stress on the immune system-histamine is released, causing these itchy bumps." Deep breathing may keep rashes at bay, or from developing in the first place. So, next time you feel your stress level rising, place your hand right above your belly button. "Every time you inhale, you want your hand to rise; with each exhale, it lowers. Take 5 to 10 deep breaths periodically throughout the day."

6. Nausea
Have you ever been worried about a loved one's (or your own) health condition, Googled it and suddenly felt nauseated? "Stress can upset the stomach, and nausea can be a byproduct of worry," says Mandel, who warns against playing "Google MD." Worrying about your health or a loved one's is normal, but obsessing about it is unhealthy. If your anxiety is causing nausea, try this trick that Mandel swears by: Let tepid water run over your fingers; it's believed to keep nausea at bay.

7. Sleepiness
Feeling sluggish? It could be stress. "Stress hormones cause your body to surge with adrenaline and then crash into sleepiness," says Mandel. "Stress will also ruin the quality of your sleep, so you wake up tired and irritable." What to do? Go to bed earlier, says Mandel, or catch a 30-minute nap midday, and don't feel guilty about doing so. "There is great productivity in rest," she says. "You come back more focused!"

8. Forgetfulness
Ask any woman who is trying to do it all and she'll admit to a few slip-ups in the memory department (forgotten appointments, lost keys, missing cell phone-ring a bell?). "Research shows that chronic stress can literally shrink the size of the hippocampus, which is responsible for some memories," says Dr. Lombardo. "Luckily, its size will go back to normal once your stress level reduces." Want to keep your brain functioning at an optimal level? Combat the first signs of stress with exercise, she says: "Go for a walk, run up a flight of stairs or dance around to the newest Black Eyed Peas tune." Exercise, she adds, keeps your brain sharp and may even help you be more prepared for future stressful moments.

9. Confusion
You can't decide what to make for dinner, what to wear to work or which exit to take off the freeway. Stress causes distraction and lack of focus, says Mandel. "Stress hormones lodge longest in the brain," she says. To restore focus, take a walk, she says. "Move the stress out of your body by exercising large muscle groups like the legs. You will gain clarity. Walk out in the light and you'll reset your natural rhythm while you move out the stress. Sunlight helps the body release serotonin to improve mood, and vitamin D helps you improve your immune system-a great perk."

Four Things Restaurant Workers Wish You'd Do

From StarChef.com:
A lot of our listeners earn a living by working in a restaurant. Following these tips won’t just make your waiter happy, they’ll improve your dining experience and assure that you get great service.

The first thing waiters and waitresses wish their customers would do is: Smile and make eye contact. Besides being polite, it’s a lot easier for a server to understand you when you’re looking at them and speaking clearly.

Show up on time. Jay Remer Jr. has 40 years of experience in international protocol and corporate etiquette. He says that if you’re going to be more than 15 minutes late for a reservation, you need to call. You should also inform the maitre d’ in advance if you have a food allergy or want to bring in something special, like a birthday cake.

The 3rd thing restaurant workers wish you’d do: Turn of your cell phone. According to a recent survey done by the online wireless retailer LetsTalk, two out of three people think it’s rude to use a cell phone at a restaurant. However, only one out of three actually turns theirs off! Using your cell phone at the table is not only disruptive to those around you, but disrespectful to your dinner guests.

Let’s finish with a discussion on tipping. A lot of people forget that the wait staff doesn’t have total control over your dining experience. That’s why Michael Lynn, a professor at Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration, thinks that restaurants should impose a service charge of 15 to 20 percent. That way, customers would be more likely to speak up when something’s wrong – which gives the restaurant a chance to make it right. After all, if you’re unhappy about some part of your meal, bringing it to the manager’s attention will do more to improve your experience than leaving your waiter a bad tip.