Here's How You Can Lose 10 Pounds In 2 Months

from: John Walker, author of Hacker's Diet:

You don’t need to buy fancy diet books, a treadmill, or expensive pre-packaged food to lose weight. Yes – all those things work, but it gets so complicated. So I’m going to simplify weight loss. It all comes down to math. Here’s how to lose 10 pounds in two months.

• First, multiply the pounds you want to lose by the number of calories in a pound of fat. There are 35-hundred calories in a pound of fat – so multiply that by 10 pounds and you’ve got 35-thousand calories. Just remember that one number – 35-hundred calories in a pound of fat.
• Next: Divide that total by the days you’ll be dieting. In this case, we’re trying to lose 10 pounds in two months – so we would divide 35-thousand by 60 days.
• The total is 583. So to lose 10 pounds in two months – each day you simply need to consume 583 fewer calories.

So what does 583 calories look like?

• It’s the equivalent of a Big Bite Hot Dog from 7-11.
• A 2-scoop hot fudge sundae from Baskin & Robbins.
• A Deluxe Cheeseburger from Burger King.
• A 7-layer burrito from Taco Bell with a small Coke.

Soaring Gas Prices

Get More Bang for Your Gas Buck

From CNN:

Gasoline isn’t cheap these days, but there ARE ways to cut costs. Here are a few ways to get more bang for your gas buck.

• Find the cheapest gas stations in your area. In most cities, you can save 30 or 40 cents a gallon if you know where to look. So, check out the prices at GasPriceWatch.com. Here’s a good rule of thumb: Gas stations in upscale areas and near highways generally charge more because the land is more valuable, so their overhead is higher, and the costs are passed on to consumers. Also, stations near state borders tend to slash prices – as a kind of “welcome to our state” sign.
• The TYPE of gas station makes a difference. Service stations with auto repair shops or car washes usually charge more for gas. They don’t need to be as competitive, since the other services are more profitable and bring in gas customers anyway. Gas stations at big box stores, like Costco or Sam’s Club, are a good bet if prices are going down. Why? Because they sell so much gas that the price is reflected at their pumps more quickly. Even if you don’t have a big box store membership, you can still save. Because nearby gas stations often lower their prices to compete with the big box stores.
• Buy gas on Wednesday mornings. Gas prices usually move up for the weekend. So, the lowest point is early Wednesday. In fact, always buy gas EARLY in the morning. Gasoline pumps charge by volume – not density. Since gas is denser when it’s cool, you’ll get more bang for your buck if you fill your tank during the coolest part of the day.
• Watch your driving style. Studies show that gentle acceleration, and using cruise control on highways can improve fuel efficiency by as much as 35%. Which means, you could save 50 cents every time you don’t stomp on the accelerator.
• Buy the lowest-grade gas possible. High-performance cars, like Porsches or Ferraris, need high-octane gasoline for top fuel efficiency, but unless your car manufacturer requires premium gasoline, your car will run just fine on lower-priced regular.

Dr. Seuss is Pissed

A great article from The Onion News.
Thanks Miles for sharing this!

"Stop Making Movies About My Books"

On the fourteenth of March, in towns nationwide,
In every cinema, multiplex, on every barnside,
Gleamed another adapting of one of my books,
CGI-ed and digitized by another sly crook.

Horton, my favorite—look how he's been treated!
Stuffed with tinsels and tassels and promptly excreted!
The puns! And the filler! The script fees you must save!
While I tumble and grum-humble around in my grave.

Did you learn all but squat from The Cat In The Hat?
Please tell me you fired the prick who made that.
I would have stopped writing, maybe sold Goodyear tires.
If I knew one dark day I'd costar with Mike Myers.

And Oh!
Oh, dear! Oh!
My poor Grinch, what they've done!
They crammed in live-action and snuffed out all the fun!

It's icky, it's tacky, it's awkward, it's wrong.
The Whos look like ferrets, it's an hour too long.
What a rotten idea to spend millions destroying
This masterful tale kids spent decades enjoying!
But still you keep making them!
Just how do you dare?
Sell my life's work off piecemeal
To every Tom, Dick, and Har'.

Why it's simply an outrage—a crime, you must judge!—
To crap on my books with this big-budget sludge.
My books are for children to learn ones and twos in,
Not commercialous slop for Jim Carrey to ruin.

Have you no respect for the gems of your youth?
To pervert them on screen from Taiwan to Duluth.
Even after you drag my last word through the dirt,
I know you, you pirates,
You'd cut out my heart for a "Thing 1" T-shirt.
For eighty-some years I held you vultures at bay,
knowing just how you'd franchise my good name some day.
Not yet cold in my grave before you starting shooting
the first of my classics you'd acquired for looting.

Mrs. Seuss, that old stoofus, began selling more rights
to Dreamworks, Universal—any hack in her sights.
First The Cat In The Hat and then this, that and Seussical
without a thought to be picky, selectish, or choosical.

So to Audrey, you whore, you sad sack of a wife:
Listen close. Pay attention, for once in your life.
You give Fox In Sox to those sharks who made Elf
And so help me, I'll rise up and kill you myself.

No Sneetches by Sony—
No One Fish: On Ice—
Burn that Hop On Pop II script not one time but twice.
Don't sex up my prose with Alyssa Milano…
And no Green Eggs And Ham with that one-note Romano!

This must stop! This must end! Don't you see what you're doing?
You're defiling the work I spent ages accruing.
And when it's dried up and you've sucked out your pay
There'll be no going back to a simpler day,

When your mom would give Horton a voice extra deep,
And turn the last page as you drifted to sleep.
Instead you'll have boxed sets, shit movies, and… well,
You'll have plenty to watch while you're burning in hell.